How to manage Squidward in your team?

Do you know Squidward? A nice "mean, whiny, stick-in-the-mud squid who thinks he's better than everyone else"? It's one of the great characters of my family's lovely cartoon "SpongeBob SquarePants" that always makes my kids laughing and serves us as a not-wanna-be-looking-like character when our youngest child starts playing up. But what to do if you're blessed by having such an "optimist" in your team? Unfortunately I had such an experience. I hope my advice of managing Squidward won't have a chance to come handy to you but who knows? Here it goes:

• Manage your expectations. Don't think Squidward one day will magically become enthusiastic idea-generator and soul of the team. He won't - no way. Any new idea, suggestion, experiment, attempt will be given a hostile reception. By not expecting anything else you solve half of the problem. If accidentally episodically Squidward will express interest, passion, suggest something positive or give pink feedback you'll be simply pleasantly surprised. Let it happen but treat it as a lucky gift.
• Encourage him. It won't change him but it will probably filter the negative radiation from this bozo. Don't make it exaggerating but try to use every chance to compliment him when it may make sense. Again, we don't expect high productivity from Squid - our primary target to eliminate his damage.
• Don't let few squidwards form a shoal! This may be a real disaster. If one finds another then all your means to neutralize one will become obsolete against a shoal. Although one Squidward is a very unwanted "resource" in the team he's still manageable. Don't let him breed:-)
  
• Find him an appropriate job. Even for such a great "optimist" as Squidward you can find an appropriate job. Less people interaction is the major criterion. The more detailed the job description and the target are defined the better chances are that he will do it well. At the end even Squidward has to work in your "Krusty Krab" - he's not just an observer.
• Tune the team not to take him too seriously. It's a ensuing consequence of the first advice but in a wider form - for the entire team. It may be boring and disturbing for the team but you should be able to set up the group's expectations as well. Of course on a personal semi-intimate basis.
• Replace him by Patrick. As I've told already - Squidward is a very unwanted team member. Once you have an opportunity to get rid of him don't hesitate. Patric maybe a bit dumb but he's a hart of gold. It's much more productive, pleasant, simpler, and safer to deal with him than with Squid.

This is all about my analogy. I hope you found it not only funny but somewhere practical. I don't wish anyone to work with Squidward, hmm..., maybe it's better only than having Mr. Krabs as your boss.

Technorati tags: team, freak, work, management

Comments

[Dwayne Melancon]

Very fun way to look at this issue, Roman.

I have found that lots of "Squidward" types in the workplace are almost impossible to coach out of their behaviors. It's also hard to find an appropriate job because they tend to create their own misery (and want to spread it) no matter what they're doing. (Unless you give them a leaf blower - maybe you know what I mean?)

I think I would rather have Sandy on my team than Patrick, though (hi-yaaaah!)